Last night we went to a homeschool Halloween party which included Trick-or-Treating. Lauren went as Morgaine from the Mists of Avalon and I put on black flowy things and my rasta wig with a black crow as a head-piece. I also took my plastic pumpkin already filled with candy. I went to the doors just after this troup of mostly goth girls and wished the person at the door a happy Halloween and deposited a healthy handful of candy in their bowl. These folks were often very surprised and quite pleased. This seemly simple gesture gave me a tremendous amount of pleasure. At the end of the evening my pumpkin was empty but my heart was full.

(Oh and... We live so far out in the country that we never get kids coming to our house.)

A long time ago I had this idea of making subliminal erotic art depicting the female form as landscape. At the time I was dating this guy and I told him about my idea. He put me down quite ruthlessly for being so silly to think of such a thing. This made me feel bad and here is how I got revenge.  I made a painting for him (not the one above). It was a picture of an lsland in the ocean with a sailboat. He liked sailing. The island was actually a female posed in a seductive manner. Her body was half submerged in water and her skin was painted island colors. The sail boat was on a heading directly toward an especially, humm, how can I say this, vulnerable (?) crack in her anatomy.

I waited until his birthday and invited him over for mid-winter birthday luau. He showed up in the middle of January wearing a Hawaiian shirt and sporting zinc oxide on his nose - nice touch. I cooked him a nice dinner and bought a well-aged bottle of tequila. After dinner when he was very mellow, actually very drunk, I finally presented him with his painting, matted, framed and wrapped up with a big bow. Well, he was quite pleased. He even liked it after sobering up. He took the painting to work and hung it in his office. Tee hee. Then finally a couple days later after all his co-workers had seen this object d'art, he really looked at it carefully. He was pissed and we didn't see very much of each other after that.

Another way that I got rid of a man was to give him a black eye. I had this boyfriend named Stephen. He was a big guy. I used to play racketball and I was not bad at it. We played one night and I accidently hit him with my racket right above his cheek bone. Lucky I didn't get him in the eye. (Since then I refuse to play with anyone unless they are wearing eye protection.) I was hitting an overhand shot and he ran right in front of me directly into the line of my racket and I got him. He soon looked like he'd been in a fight.

What I learned is that just because a guy is big, doesn't mean he's tough. He wanted to go to the hospital to have his head x-rayed. The bad thing was, I laughed. I don't know why. It wasn't funny. I guess it was my way of giving off tension. The other bad thing was that the next day he was meeting with his boss to go over his job performance and discuss a possible promotion. He was in sales. I never found out if he got his promotion. I never heard from him again. Stephen, if you're out there and hear this. I'm sorry I didn't mean to laugh!

Thanks to Martha for giving me the idea for this blog.

We all have our deal makers and deal breakers.  I have listed some here. Perhaps these give us a clue about what we will tolerate and what we won't. Please add to this list.

Deal breakers:

- For my brother-in-law, if his bride would not give up her name and take his, it was no deal.
- For a friend of mine, I Love Lucy, was the last straw that dissolved her marriage. She told her husband that they needed to have a talk and he said, "Fine  honey, as soon as I finish watching I Love Lucy." That was it. He was outathere.
- I had a friendship that ended because this friend refused to identify herself on the phone even after I tried to gently explain to her that we did not have caller ID and there was a certain amount of confusion concerning who was calling. She said she didn't need to identify herself on the phone to a friend and never called me again.


Deal Makers:

- Deal makers don't seem to be as dramatic as deal breakers. Sometimes the little things are what seal a deal. I had a part-time job at a winery. On payday the president would hand you your check, smile and say thank you. Even though I was in the lowliest tasting room sales postion, I probably stayed as long as I did because I felt appreciated.
- One of the first things my husband did for me when we were dating was give my car a tune-up. Made big points with me.
- Anyone who gives daughter Lauren positive energy and teaches her something immediately has my undying love. Example: When Carla came to visit, she taught Lauren how to bake a pie.