Ways to get rid of men

A long time ago I had this idea of making subliminal erotic art depicting the female form as landscape. At the time I was dating this guy and I told him about my idea. He put me down quite ruthlessly for being so silly to think of such a thing. This made me feel bad and here is how I got revenge.  I made a painting for him (not the one above). It was a picture of an lsland in the ocean with a sailboat. He liked sailing. The island was actually a female posed in a seductive manner. Her body was half submerged in water and her skin was painted island colors. The sail boat was on a heading directly toward an especially, humm, how can I say this, vulnerable (?) crack in her anatomy.

I waited until his birthday and invited him over for mid-winter birthday luau. He showed up in the middle of January wearing a Hawaiian shirt and sporting zinc oxide on his nose - nice touch. I cooked him a nice dinner and bought a well-aged bottle of tequila. After dinner when he was very mellow, actually very drunk, I finally presented him with his painting, matted, framed and wrapped up with a big bow. Well, he was quite pleased. He even liked it after sobering up. He took the painting to work and hung it in his office. Tee hee. Then finally a couple days later after all his co-workers had seen this object d'art, he really looked at it carefully. He was pissed and we didn't see very much of each other after that.

Another way that I got rid of a man was to give him a black eye. I had this boyfriend named Stephen. He was a big guy. I used to play racketball and I was not bad at it. We played one night and I accidently hit him with my racket right above his cheek bone. Lucky I didn't get him in the eye. (Since then I refuse to play with anyone unless they are wearing eye protection.) I was hitting an overhand shot and he ran right in front of me directly into the line of my racket and I got him. He soon looked like he'd been in a fight.

What I learned is that just because a guy is big, doesn't mean he's tough. He wanted to go to the hospital to have his head x-rayed. The bad thing was, I laughed. I don't know why. It wasn't funny. I guess it was my way of giving off tension. The other bad thing was that the next day he was meeting with his boss to go over his job performance and discuss a possible promotion. He was in sales. I never found out if he got his promotion. I never heard from him again. Stephen, if you're out there and hear this. I'm sorry I didn't mean to laugh!